When Nate and I got married I had no idea what I was doing. Like Joshua, I kept walking into the river Jordan hoping it would make sense with each step… and everything about this union makes sense. A few weeks ago we were talking with Nate’s parents on Skype. United States news and politics came up in the conversation and Nate’s dad said, “It’s all bad. It’s really depressing. But looking at you two gives us hope in the world. You look happy”. I replied that I am happy. I feel happy and grateful most days. Before Nate was in my life there were many days where I felt a little sad and lonely. I know you cannot find happiness in another person, but Nate has blessed my life. Even though it was only a few months ago I can’t remember what my life was like without him. This has been an amazing, life-changing year for the two of us.
Even though this year has been the best in my life so far, this week has been really difficult. Regardless, I am just as happy this week as I was a few weeks ago when we talked with his parents. On Tuesday we were surprised with the sad news that our eleven-week-old baby stopped growing after five weeks. My body still thought it was pregnant and so I experienced all of the good and bad symptoms of early pregnancy… which are mostly bad.
Just as creating a baby is a miracle no matter how many times it happens in the world, miscarriage is a tragedy. The tragedy is common. Last Saturday I purchased a bassinet. This Saturday Nate and I played twenty questions in the emergency room. The miscarriage process isn’t complete. My options include taking medication that could cause vomiting and cramping or a surgical procedure. I asked to go home in hopes that I wouldn’t loose too much blood and the process will finish naturally.
Despite this tragedy I am happy, because Nate is with me. I know no matter what happens, we are in this together. Joining my life with his is the best hasty decision I have ever made.
7 comments:
Tears and love and hope are being sent your way.
Oh Tanya. I ache for you. You have cause to mourn. And cause to rejoice. I am glad you have cause to rejoice! And I hope you feel comforted and loved in your grief. I love you!
Hey loves. I am so sorry. And I am glad that you have Nate there by your side. I will pray for you. Wish I could be more of use in helping you. Call if you need to!
love you guys!!!
Tanya this is a beautiful post about bitter and sweet. You are an amazing woman and I always feel blessed that you are in life. I'm so happy Nate is your husband. I'm thinking of you two guys.
tanya...I'm so sorry for your loss. We love you tons and are so happy that you have Nate in your life. Hugs from UT!
My heart sunk when I read this. So sorry to hear of the physical and emotional pain you two are going through. Sending our love your way....
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